My husband tells me it's a natural process of getting older. But I'm not willing to accept that. I have so many things to look forward to in my life and so many things to be grateful for. Why shouldn't I wake up smiling and jumping out of bed? Why shouldn't I want to sing in the shower and skip to work? I think I should feel happier and I'm determined to investigate what's getting me down so much.
I made an appointment to see a therapist. I realized that I feel a lot of pressure and I need to talk to someone who can be neutral about my situation but help give me clarity to my feelings. Ultimately, I want a plan. I want an exact map of how to be incredibly happy and love an amazing life. So I'm going to continue seeking it.
Things that I've been planning for greater happiness include:
-making a timeline to create a career around my passions
-stopping commitments that aren't bettering myself or creating joy
-playing more and enjoying fun activities that don't serve another purpose
-seeing my family more
-taking trips to see my friends more
-writing out my travel aspirations and how to get there
-using yoga as a center
And of course of it's not totally obvious. This blog is intended for my own sanity. To give me a safe outlet to express myself and feel like there's someone who cares.
Plus I can dream that it's the start of the next great American novel.